The Smurf Impersonators/Part 9
"So even at this event, Tapper was sensing danger in his spirit that would envelop his fellow Smurfs," Polaris said. "It is amazing that for one who does not possess a minds-eye like Empath or the Psyches, he is still able to ascertain things that no other Smurf was able to do at the time." "It amazes me as well, Polaris," Narrator said. "Anyway, the Mr. Smurf Contest got underway and we focused all our attention on who's going to be the lucky winner." And as Narrator's story continued, Polaris saw in his mind Papa Smurf being the last to sit down with his little Smurfs to watch as Snappy with his drum kit sounded out a drum roll to signal the beginning of the event. "Smurfette and gentlesmurfs, live from Smurf Village, it's the first Mr. Smurf Contest," Sassette announced as she appeared on stage. "Here I present to you the contestants that will smurf before you their wonderful talents so that Smurfette will decide which will be the Smurf who will win the honor of being her escort to the Harvest Moon Ball." And after Sassette moved to the side of the stage, the curtains opened, and on the stage there were eleven Smurfs standing in a row, each wearing a purple sash with a round brass pin: Handy, Greedy, Vanity, Clumsy, Jokey, Duncan, Grouchy, Farmer, Gargamel as Beaker, Hefty, and Brainy. As the Smurfs in the crowd cheered, Hefty said, "What a Smurf has to go through in order to smurf a date with Smurfette." "Aye, but it will be worth all the effort, laddie," Duncan said, overhearing Hefty's comment. "Introducing contestant number one...Mr. Greedy Smurf," Sassette announced. As Greedy walked on the stage to present himself before Smurfette, Sassette continued: "Greedy's hobbies are baking, frying, boiling, roasting..." "And eating," Greedy added, as he pulled out a few cookies from behind his sash and started eating them. He then took a bow as Smurfette took notes and the crowd cheered, only to cause a few cupcakes to fall out. "Next, we have Mr. Vanity Smurf," Sassette announced as Greedy picked up the cupcakes before leaving the stage and Vanity started to walk on it, holding a mirror in each hand and turning his head to admire himself in each one. "Vanity's hobbies are looking at himself in the morning, looking at himself in the evening, and looking at himself in the afternoon." After the crowd cheered and Vanity left the stage with a bow, Sassette announced the next contestant. "Next we have Mr. Jokey Smurf. He enjoys spreading happiness to all his fellow Smurfs. We've all nearly died laughing from his thoughtful presents he has given us." As Jokey walked around the stage to present himself before Smurfette, he then presented the gift box that he was carrying to Smurfette. "For you, Smurfette," Jokey said. "Violation! Violation!" Brainy cried out as he came out on the stage to interrupt Jokey. "Contestants may not bribe the judge." "Okay, then you open it," Jokey said, presenting the gift to Brainy instead. Brainy opened the gift box, expecting an explosion, but instead getting a mechanical hand that popped out and splatted him in the face with a cream pie. "Our next contestant is Mr. Brainy Smurf," Sassette announced. Brainy gulped. "Oh no...there smurfs my grand entrance," he said woefully. Yet the crowd still cheered. After Brainy's presentation, Sassette continued. "Our next contestant is Mr. Duncan McSmurf. His favorite hobbies are caber tossing, playing the bagpipes, and eating haggis." "Eating haggis?" all the Smurfs said together in disbelief, with some making faces. Duncan chuckled. I figured the crowd would enjoy having Sassette smurf that as part of her announcement, he said to himself as he walked on the stage to present himself. ----- After all eleven contestants were presented before Smurfette on the stage, they lined up together again, getting themselves ready for the next part of the contest. "And now," Sassette announced, "our contestants will entertain us with a little song and dance. Hit it, Smurfs!" As Nat, Snappy, and Slouchy provided the music off-stage, the eleven Smurfs sang: "Oh, Smurfette, I'd really like to be the one. To smurf you to the ball would be such fun. I'd be the happiest Smurf on all the Earth if you choose me, me, me, me for Mr. Smurf." The crowd cheered after the music and dance number had ended, and Smurfette could feel her heart swoon. "Oh, what a smurfy dance they have smurfed together for me," she sighed. Uggh, I think I'm going to be sick, Gargamel as Beaker muttered to himself in total disgust. "And now for our talent competition," Sassette announced as the eleven Smurf contestants got themselves ready for the next part of the contest. "First, Greedy the Great will amaze you with his disappearing act." As the curtain opened, Greedy appeared on stage wearing a cape and standing next to a table with lots of goodies stacked on top of it. He then pulled the tablecloth, causing the goodies to whirl around him for a while before he ate them all in one bite. "Amazing," Papa Smurf said, as he sat there watching with Baby Smurf and the crowd cheered. "Aw, that's nothing," Nabby said. "Whatever he can smurf, I can smurf better." "Next, Vanity will entertain you with a soft-sock routine," Sassette announced after Greedy cleared the stage and Vanity appeared wearing a suit, top hat, and tie, carrying his mirror tied to a stick. "I was smurfing through the woods one day, in the smurfy smurfy month of May," Vanity sang as he danced with his mirror. "I was taken by surprise when I looked into my eyes, and since then I've never looked away." After Vanity left the stage and the crowd cheered, Sassette announced, "Now get ready because here comes daredevil Clumsy Smurf, the fastest Smurf on one wheel." Clumsy then appeared on the stage, riding Wheelie's unicycle and having a time trying to keep himself balanced. He ended up spinning himself around and launching himself offstage, only to land away from the crowd and cycling off into the forest, apparently out of control. "Uh, we'll see more of Clumsy later...how much later, I can't tell you," Sassette jested. "And now Beaker Smurf will do an imitation of Gargamel." She then noticed that Beaker had not prepared himself to go on stage yet and so prompted by saying, "Ahem...Beaker Smurf and his imitation of Gargamel." "Go on, get out there already," Hefty said, pushing Beaker onto the stage. "Don't push me, you little Smurf," Beaker said, sounding rather irritated. "Why, when I get my hands on you, I'm going to make you, uh..." He then realized that he was already on stage and that everybody could hear him speaking. He felt a lump in his throat and he swallowed hard as he steeled himself up for his performance. "Why, I am the great evil wizard Gargamel, and tonight before the contest is through, you're going to wish you never had me around the forest, because this will be the last night that any of you will ever live before six of you become part of my Philosopher's Stone, and the rest of you will become my dinner." As Beaker ended his performance with an evil laugh, the crowd cheered at the wonderful impression. "My, that certainly was realistic...so realistic it almost makes me wonder," Papa Smurf said as he gave applause. "And now, Duncan McSmurf will entertain you with a little Highland dance that he calls 'The Dance Of The McSmurfs'," Sassette announced. Duncan appeared on stage along with Fiddler, Twanger, Piper, and Miner as his musicians. "Smurf it, laddies," he cried out, and as the music started, Duncan danced with all his might all over the stage, whirling and stepping with such grace and agility that it was almost exhausting for the audience to watch. Duncan ended the dance on one knee as the music ended, and the crowd went wild with applause while Smurfette made her notes. "Ah, what a showoff," Hefty said, displeased as he watched Duncan do his dance. "He's no better than Empath." ----- The audience continued to watch as Jokey, Brainy, and Hefty presented their acts on the stage, which were met with applause when they were finished. "And now presenting Farmer Smurf and his performing earthworms," Sassette announced after Duncan and the musicians have left the stage. Farmer appeared onstage carrying his hoe with three of his earthworms before him. He snapped his finger, and then the earthworms went into their routine of leaping into the air in a loop and doing a few more tricks before they squirmed their way off the stage while the audience clapped. "We now follow this with Handy Smurf and his musical nails," Sassette announced while Handy appeared onstage with his special workbench embedded with nails. Handy pounded his hammers lightly on the nails to produce a musical sound with them while the audience listened and then cheered. "And finally, the amazing Smurf of a thousand faces, Grouchy Smurf," Sassette announced as Grouchy now appeared on the stage. "Here's face number one," she said as Grouchy made his first face. "And here's face number two..." The audience watched patiently as Sassette led them through all the faces Grouchy could make, although admittedly they were hardly any different from the first one. Finally, when even Smurfette could barely keep her eyes open, Sassette said, "And finally face number one thousand." "I hate this performance," Grouchy said as he walked off the stage and the audience cheered. ----- "And now, for the most important part of the Mr. Smurf Contest," Sassette announced, "the surprise question." As the curtains opened to show all eleven contestants lined up with each other again, Brainy yelped, "Surprise question? Nobody told us about any surprise question!" "That's why it's a surprise question, you silly," Sassette responded as Greedy stepped forward. "Now, Greedy Smurf, if Smurfette gets hungry at the ball, what would you do?" "I'll get a plate of cookies and give Smurfette the first cookie before I eat the rest," Greedy answered, before he took out a cookie and ate it. "Oh, how sweet," Smurfette said as she made her notes and the audience cheered. "Now, Vanity, if you take Smurfette to the ball and it rains, what would you do?" Sassette asked as Vanity stepped forward. "Put my mirror over my head and run," Vanity answered as he raised his mirror over his head as high as he could and lowered his head before making a running motion with his feet. "Good answer, good answer," the other Smurf contestants responded as the audience cheered. "Poor Vanity," Smurfette said, feeling her heart going out to him. "I, uh, I wouldn't want him to get wet." "Jokey, if you are Smurfette's escort, how will you make sure she has a good time?" Sassette asked as Jokey stepped forward. "With lots and lots of presents," Jokey answered, laughing as he brought with him a pile of gift boxes onto the stage. "I'd bring her so many presents, it would take her all night to open them." "Well, I do like presents," Smurfette said as she made her notes and the audience cheered. "Duncan McSmurf, if some Smurf wants to, uh...smurf advantage of Smurfette at the ball, what would you do to protect her honor?" Sassette asked as Duncan stepped forward. "I'd take the poor miserable excuse of a Smurf outside and smurf him such a lesson that he will think twice of ever smurfing himself upon such a fair noble maiden like our dear lassie," Duncan answered, swinging his fist to emphasize smurf him a lesson. A few of the Smurf contestants gulped when they heard that answer, including Beaker, feeling that the threat was aimed particularly at him. "At least I know he will be able to defend me," Smurfette said as she continued writing and the audience cheered. "I hope you weren't thinking that I was going to smurf advantage of Smurfette at the ball, Gutsy," Hefty muttered to Duncan as he stepped back in line with the others. "Of course not, laddie...but I still wouldn't let you smurf anywhere near her," Duncan shot back. ----- After all eleven contestants were presented with the surprise question, Sassette proceeded to the conclusion of the event. "Well, here they are, Smurfette and gentlesmurfs, all eleven eligible bachelor Smurfs. And in a moment, we'll find out which of them will become Mr. Smurf." And which Smurf isn't a Smurf at all, Gargamel as Beaker said to himself, laughing while the other ten contestants were eager to hear the final vote. "And now for the moment you've all been waiting for," Sassette announced. "And the winner is..." Snappy played a drum roll as Smurfette went through her notes to decide. "Um, Clums...no, um, Heft...no, um, Vani...no, um, Dunc...no, um..." "How about Brain, Brain, Brainy?" Brainy prompted. "No," Smurfette responded with a desperate sigh. "Oh dear, I just can't decide. You're all so smurfy in your own ways." "You'd better make a decision soon, Smurfette," Snappy said. "I can't keep smurfing this drum roll forever." "I know," Smurfette said when inspiration finally hit her. "You can all be my Mr. Smurfs. That way, you are all the winners." The audience cheered upon Smurfette's announcement. "Gosh, Smurfs, did you hear that?" Clumsy said, sounding excited. "All of us are the winners." "Yes, I heard that, Clumsy," Hefty said, sounding a bit disappointed. "I just wish she picked only one of us." "I guess that means we smurf turns escorting her to the dance, laddies," Duncan said. "I'll be happy with that," Handy said. "You won't be escorting any Smurf anywhere, you little blue nincompoops," Beaker said, laughing maliciously. "You think you're the winners, but I'm going to be the biggest winner of all!" Brainy watched in horror as Beaker instantly transformed himself back into the original appearance of the one he claimed to be imitating. "Gargamel!" he cried out. "Yes, and now that I'm bigger than you little shrimps, I'm going to...," Gargamel continued to rant until he realized that something was wrong, that the Smurfs were just as big as he was now. "Uh, I hate to tell you this, Gargamel, but you're not as big a winner as you think," Hefty said. "In fact, you're not even the smurfering giant that you once were, laddie," Duncan said. Gargamel realized that for himself as the Smurfs gathered around him. "Please, no...have mercy on me," he pleaded. "I didn't mean to...I swear that I wouldn't..." "Okay, Smurfs, let's show him not to smurf around with us," Handy said as the Smurfs came closer toward the evil wizard. ----- Scruple and Azrael were out in the forest together, looking for any sign of their master. "Well, where is that idiot wizard and the Smurfs he's supposed to capture?" Scruple wondered aloud. "If he had me come all the way out here for nothing, Azrael, I swear that I'm going to..." Soon the two of them could hear a scream as somebody was being hurled out into the forest. They both saw who landed right before them. It was Gargamel. "Gee, Gargy, how did you get stuck being so small after your formula wore off?" Scruple said, snickering. "Don't ask me such stupid questions, you imbecile," Gargamel ranted. "Just help me get back to my laboratory so I can make myself an antidote." Scruple looked at Gargamel with mischief in his eyes as he thought of something. "On the other hand, I think I'm going to let Azrael play with you for a while until you teach me how to become a powerful sorcerer," he said. Azrael looked at Gargamel and had his claws bared, ready to swipe at him. "You...you would do this to your own master?" Gargamel said, realizing how dangerous the threat was imposed on him. "I swear you will never learn anything from me." "It's just what I have figured," Scruple said. "Azrael, go play with your new toy." Azrael started to chase Gargamel into the forest while Scruple watched. "Ooooh, wait until I get my hands on you, you worthless ingrate," Gargamel muttered. "I will deal with both you and Azrael once I regain my full size...you just wait!" Smurf to Part 10 Category:Empath the Luckiest Smurf stories Category:The Smurf Impersonators chapters